Hello. It's been a while.
I've had to walk away, to find my perspective and voice again. Seems like a lot has changed in just a few weeks. The world feels like a different place. The coming of spring has pushed me out of doors, away from the computer and the notebook. Less time to write, more time to find a place to live in this strange and increasingly unfamiliar world. I've spent a lot of time these past few weeks thinking about the direction of this world to come.
I've thought a lot about what it means to be in and a part of this universe. I've been thinking about thermodynamics again. Thinking about the second law, the law of energy conservation. It states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred from one form or another, enthalpy or entropy. Heat or chaos.
If the second law is true, and everything in history to date says that it is, then the energy that was your life is now an energy somewhere else in vast realm of existence. Maybe you are the life force for something new. Maybe you are the fuel that is firing a distant star. Your energy has not been consumed, only transferred in to a new form, conserved per the second law. It is still out there, you are still with us.
Everything that ever was and everything that ever will be is here with us now, it never left. It is a zero sum game, potential to kinetic, and back to potential again.
I have found happiness these past few weeks. It is a tempered joy, but a new optimism nonetheless. The coming spring, with its gradual thaw, has found me looking up again. I find myself looking at the stars often. I wonder what is out there, beyond the horizons of my visible sight and perceptions.
Are you out there pulling the strings? Are you orchestrating all of this? If so, are you happy and proud of us in this unknown existence? It is so hard to know how to be in this new place. All I can do is follow my heart and trust in myself. There is so much still to say, there is still so much left undone, that we had hoped to experience together. I must still try, I must find a way to carry on with and without you. To have and to hold, to love and honor, in the only way I can control: by being the best man you helped me become. By putting one foot in front of the other and living each day to its fullest, in this world and the next.