Yesterday marked four months. That seems so hard to believe for so many reasons. It feels likes years and at the same time feels like it was yesterday. Everyday has it's own reminders, whether that be the dentist calling to remind her of her appointment next week, or the myriad of Christmas catalogs arriving daily. There are so many ways to get lost, so many ways to dwell on small details. There isn't anyway around any of this, so instead you have do go through it, you have to endure it.
I haven't written anything since Monday because I needed to step away for little while. I needed to get out of my own way for a few days. I started writing as a way to keep my conversations with Melly going. I was finding that with a few exceptions, it wasn't working as well as it had been, that it was becoming more of a task and less of a joy, and as a result has created a little bit of writers block. I have a friend that likes to describe dealing with grief this way: "No one thing works for everyone, something works for everyone, and nothing works forever." For me that one something has been the writing. I'm not ready yet for it to not work anymore, so I took a break. It will come back around, when it is ready to.
My hiatus this past week has been filled with carving pumpkins, baseball, driving my old truck, building furniture, good old fashioned television, and some good music. Those things don't seem like they are connected, but there is a deep and meaningful one. Specifically, friendships. Whether that be a friend suggesting pumpkins to carve or TV shows to check out (thanks Stephen D), the sense of community gained from talking baseball (Matt & Mike), bailing me out of a jam when I got a couple flat tires (again, Mike!), giving me a chance to build what I hope will be an cherished dining room table (Sommer & Chris), or just a kind note, some cookies, and a mixtape (thanks Katie!), each and everyone of you made an impact in my life this week and helped make things a little easier.
We lose sight of what matters quickly. It is very easy to hide out from the world. At first glance there does not seem to be a lot of good to report. I spent part of this morning watching "Meet the Press". Their focus was on the pessimism surrounding the election and what happens on November 9th. There were a lot of prediction about how difficult the next few months and years could be, regardless of who wins. How we've become entrenched in our specific views and discount those that disagree, on both sides. Their thesis being that there isn't that same sense of cooperation and community this time around. My counterargument is this past week. I've spent time with both Democrats and Republicans, shared tears and laughter with both, have felt the same sense of optimism and fraternity with both. We are all just people, flawed and in some cases hurting. What brings us together is bigger than what pushes us apart, and my sense is that on November 9th that will still be the case.
One last thought - I missed this when if first aired Friday, and have to give a thanks my friend Vickie for telling me about it. For those of you who don't know his back story, the comedian Patton Oswalt also sadly lost his wife about six months ago. I have been following his very honest and heartfelt discussions on the subject during my own struggles. This clip from the Late Show I think does a good job of putting a name to some of the things that I've been trying to capture with this blog. The commentary that there was life before and there will be life after I think has a special resonance. I am also one of the people that has sent him a long note of thanks and support. We will get through this, with love and friendship.